How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
