Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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