My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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