Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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