I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
