She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
