proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
