I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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