first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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