I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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