if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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