When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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