He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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