I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
