No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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