Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
