question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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