Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
