dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
