Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
