You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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