We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
