legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
