im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
