I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
