so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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