Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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