So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
