I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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