I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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