i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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