He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
