your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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