did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
