I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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