Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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