forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
