Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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