mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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