Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
