The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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