Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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