I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
