three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
