so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My bed smells like the plague
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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