I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
