Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
