I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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