I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
...so i touched it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
