Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
