did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to showerâ€#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
