I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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