All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
