you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
