Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
