I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
