she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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