found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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