sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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