I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
