He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
