She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
