She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
