i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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