Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
