So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
