im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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