My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize