he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
