How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
