Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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