Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
