I'm gonna have a badass scar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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